Curmudgeons and Sex
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On this subject, "Curmudgeons and Sex", the answer to your unasked question, Nosey, is "not much"
When a man get to the Curmudgeon stage of life, some things get harder, some don't.
A Curmudgeon's resolve to defend his culture and his Constitution gets hard. Flint-hard. Steel-hard. Smack from .50BMG API hard.
A Curmudgeon has a harder time hearing things. A harder time understanding "mis-undertood youth". A harder time putting up with people who can't read traffic signs or divine the color of traffic lights.
A Curmudgeon has Hard as a daily part of his life, except, usually, in bed.
Then he's just an old softie!
But there's Viagra for that!
Just to show you that Curmudgeons CAN be sensitive, here's a guide to dealing with PMS wimmen.
THE HORMONE WARNING:
The Hormone Hostage (aka "husband", "boyfriend", "her room-mate", "the First Mate") knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
Yep, snip it, post it up, Curmudgeons. That's an order. I don't want to hear of any of MY troops getting the Bobbit Treatment.
I didn't dismiss you yet.
Here's a convenient list of acronyms, military-style:
13 Things PMS Stands For!
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Curmudgeons, DISMISSED!
On this subject, "Curmudgeons and Sex", the answer to your unasked question, Nosey, is "not much"
When a man get to the Curmudgeon stage of life, some things get harder, some don't.
A Curmudgeon's resolve to defend his culture and his Constitution gets hard. Flint-hard. Steel-hard. Smack from .50BMG API hard.
A Curmudgeon has a harder time hearing things. A harder time understanding "mis-undertood youth". A harder time putting up with people who can't read traffic signs or divine the color of traffic lights.
A Curmudgeon has Hard as a daily part of his life, except, usually, in bed.
Then he's just an old softie!
But there's Viagra for that!
Just to show you that Curmudgeons CAN be sensitive, here's a guide to dealing with PMS wimmen.
THE HORMONE WARNING:
The Hormone Hostage (aka "husband", "boyfriend", "her room-mate", "the First Mate") knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
Yep, snip it, post it up, Curmudgeons. That's an order. I don't want to hear of any of MY troops getting the Bobbit Treatment.
I didn't dismiss you yet.
Here's a convenient list of acronyms, military-style:
13 Things PMS Stands For!
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Curmudgeons, DISMISSED!
posted by Rivrdog at 10:46 AM
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