Carnival of the Curmudgeons - Mark Twelve

Twelve Marks, something veddy British about that...oh, now I remember, in the old days before the Brits went Metric, their money was NOT based upon the decimal system. There were TWELVE pence to the Shilling, and TWENTY Shillings to the Pound (21 Shillings to the Guinea). I lived there in those days, in the '50's. The penny (pence) was sub-divided into ha'pennies (half-pennies) and even Farthings (a quarter-penny).

There were, in order of value, the following coins: Farthing (1/4p), Ha'penny (1/2p), Penny, Tuppence (two-penny), Thruppence (the three-penny coin had been retired, but you occasionly got one in change), Sixpence (six-penny, silver, about the size of a dime) and Shilling, a silver (and later nickel) coin about the size of a quarter. There were also Gold Guineas, but you never saw one in circulation. They were small gold coins, about between the size of (our) penny and nickel. I have a couple dozen of them in the vault. Dono about their value, but they are worth at least $500/ounce, like the rest of my gold.

The Brits were short on bills. They had only two then, the one-pound-note (the "quid"), slightly larger than US currency, and the five-Pound note ("fiver"), which was about 7 X 9 inches, and had to be folded several times to fit in the wallet. It was hard to carry a lot of cash, but then, no one had a lot. The Pound Sterling was worth about $2.80US, and the average Brit bloke maintained his family on 7 to 12 pounds a week wages. My father, a USN Captain then, on both Flight Pay and Doctor's (incentive) Pay, with hi-cost Foreign housing allowance, made in the upper ONE PERCENT of all wages and salaries in Great Britain then (Just over $20,000/year, which was HUGE money then).

We lived like Dukes and Duchesses (in fact, had more income than most of the nobility) while my Dad was stationed in England, running the US Navy Office of Naval Research (he worked directly for the Chief of Naval Operations, ADM. Hyman Rickover). We lived in a fine 250-year old house (Pelham Cottage) that King Charles II had built for a mistress (out in the boondocks when it was built, today it sits in the middle of South Kensington). It was a country cottage in the French style, with both a formal garden (necessitated hiring a twice-a-week gardner, Mr. Tilly, who liked to play the horses with the generous wage my dad paid him) and a Vegetable Garden, with espaliered fruit trees and berry vines and a large vegetable patch. We also had a daily maid/nanny, Mrs. Purtell, who was a decent cook as well.

London, as most major cities of the civilized world in those days, was perfectly safe for a teenage girl (my sister) and two pre-teen boys (my brother and I) to wander in. The subway or bus fare was seldom over thruppence for trips around the area (it was graduated on how far you went then, with a conductor on every bus and a manned ticket booth at every Underground station). I grew up in my three years in London, attaining the ripe old age of 12 before I came back to the US, and learning how to be a gentleman (they still taught the subject there, and even then, the US schools were starting to ignore manners).

I LOVED my three years in London, and so did my brother, but my Sis hated it. Something about rebelling against tradition. She was one of the first WOMYN, and after high school, was in the Beat Generation and became one of the first Hippies as well. Of course, I hold all that culture-busting against her, but at least she's genuine about it, unlike 99.9 of the other wimmen who profess these views.

Ah, nostalgia. As we curmudgeons get older, it has a bigger place in our lives.

Now to the Peeve of the Week.

Here are the candidates.

First is the MSM (almost a perennial candidate) with their full-court press on Global Warming - "We're all gonna Die!" screech. If we are warming up globally (and I don't believe the MSM's stats, because they pick and choose their temperature-measuring places), two things stand out like sore thumbs, and the MSM/greenies will never admit them: first, the warming could be (and probably is) an irreversable solar-cycle phenomenon and we will have to ride it out and second, anything we can and will do in the way of trying to alter the composition of gasses in the atmosphere (lower car emissions, shut down some industries, etc) will have such a negligible effect on the warming cycle that it is laughable to even attempt it. Increased insolation (warming of the atmosphere by the sun) is of such an order of magnitude that nothing we can do will alter or stop it. The best guess (and ALL of the atmospheric predictions are guesses) is that it is a short, 30-year cycle which will result in a two-degree global warmup, which will result in a one-meter rise in the ocean level. Civilizations 4,000 years ago built seawalls, and so can we.

Second POTW candidate is medical providers, generally. During my colonoscopy this week, done in a clinic that does nothing but stomach and butt scoping, I was swamped with inflexible rules and uncaring providers, UNTIL I GOT TO THE ACTUAL DOC, WHO WAS VERY GOOD. This is getting to be more and more the case in US medicine. I've had several colonoscopies before, and while they are uncomfortable procedures to undergo, there is no lasting pain involved. In fact, the pain is so fleeting that three short panting breaths will get you by any of it. Why in the hell does the clinic damn near INSIST on knocking me almost out with a heavy sedative then? I almost had to yell to make the point that I wasn't going to have a sedative or IV. I did have to make them sign a paper that said that they wouldn't try. This is lawyer-driven practice of medicine, and it sucks. If we don't get the lawyers out of the ordinary, everyday practice of medicine soon, our whole medical establishment will degrade to second-class status.

The third candidate is the immigration nazis. Yep, nazis. This subject has been hijacked by more factions than I can name. They are all hoping to have the catbird seat when this becomes THE hotbutton issue for the next election. The Hard Boyz of the immigration question are the "wall" advocates. Then there are the give-in types, mostly those of the (D)onk persuasion, who see any forced return of 12-20 million of potential (and some actual) voters amongst the illegals as being dangerous to their job prospects as hogs at the public trough. They are all nazis. Victor Davis Hanson said it brilliantly yesterday when he reminded us of our history: "where's the desire of assimilation?". All of our glory years came from the assimilation of immigrants. By and large, the Mexicans who want to work here have good values. There are exceptions, but a few bad apples don't spoil the whole bushel, baby. Why do we want to refuse this infusion of the good values of hard work and family into our culture, which seems to have lost a lot of those two values lately? Is it because the Mexicans have demonstrated that they would rather work for dollars in a capitalist system than suck dollars from a socialist one? The Mexicans would still be here, working hard, if we never gave them a dollar of welfare or educated one of their kids. The good ones would anyway, and the losers would go back. If we're to have a guest-worker program, make it so we actually have slots for WORKERS, and keep the welfare-sucking drones OUT. We don't need a wall for that, just a little help from the employers and the Feds, who should REQUIRE the cooperation of the state and local governments.

The envelopes, please.

The winner is:

The Medical profession. Clean up your act, Doctors. I come from a medical family, and I KNOW how it should be run. When I get the feeling that I'm walking into a welfare office instead of a DOCTOR'S office, something is badly wrong. Doctors, kick the lawyers out of your lives and clinics. The people will soon learn one of the great truths in life: anyone can do without a lawyer, but try going without a doctor when you're sick. Maybe the medical profession should refuse to treat ANY lawyer until medical tort reform is the law of the land.

This week's links:

The Analog Kid has a minor difference of opinion with the Analog Wife over the Gunny Perfume, Hoppe's #9. Hillarious. Read the comments also.

Acidman at Gut Rumbles passes on a good idea about illegal aliens. Then he turns around and brings us news of his good buddy, Dax Montana, who lost HIS tolerance for the corporate weasel he worked for and so ended his employment. OK, Dax, you did remember to reformat the hard drive on your corporate computer before leaving your office, didn't you?

Bitter Bitch, who doesn't have half the years on to be a curmudgeonette yet, still has a curmudgeonly revelation here.

Mr. Completely has valuable curmudgeonly advice on recognizing a Brain Attack, or stroke.

Finally, another youth, far too young to be a curmudgeon but with all his curmudgeon ducks lined up already, Aaron Neal, of Dad's Garage blog. He needs help, in making a life decision on whether or not to enlist in the National guard. I'll advise him privately, but readers may do so either privately or in the comments on his post.

Finally for this Mark, the humor section:

A traveler flies into Houston Airport from offshore and enters the Immigration check-in line…

"May I see your identification, please?", asks
the ICE agent.

"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replies
the guy.

"Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID,
no crossing the border”, says the agent.

"But I can prove that I'm an American", he
exclaims. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and
a picture of George Bush on the other."

"This I gotta see”, replies the agent.

With that, the guy drops his pants and bends
over in front of the agent.

"By golly, you're right!" exclaims the agent.
"Go on home to Boston."

"Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I
was from Boston?"

The agent replies, "I recognized the picture
of Ted Kennedy in the middle."

Hat tip to Mike, a curmudgeon and great friend.

Carnival of the Curmudgeons - Mark Eleven

I'm full of piss & vinegar tonite, as well as a horn or two of the Water of Life (Scots version). Loosens up the muse, don'tcha know. Fairly full day for this curmudgeon. Had to chase down an R/X for the upcoming Reality TV show, "Rivrdog's Ass", coming soon to a gastroenterology clinic near me. Live and in color, viewers will take a reality tour of my colon, and as an added attraction, watch the GI doc snip little parts of it off for lab analysis. Yours truly will be watching, live, and without the sedative they normally give (I want to be able to properly curse the doc if he does something stupid with the cutter head on that endoscope). Added bonus of being wide awake: if the doc re-opens the hole that bled badly in PHX a few weeks ago, I will get to aim the stream of ass-blood with malice aforethought! Anyway, the R/X is a substitute pain reliever for my back, as the docs suspended the one I've been using as it stops the blood from clotting. I guess I'm a hemophiliac by pharmaceuticals.

THAT means back to the range. Gotta be able to draw and hit the bad guy before he can shoot me, since I might not survive even a flesh wound, according to the docs. Speaking of range, isn't Buy A Gun Day about on us? Co-incides with Tax Day. I figgered it was, so I dropped by my local gun emporium to shop. Found one of these. They are in very short supply, and I got this one on layaway at 12% under MSRP. Nastiest little mouse gun around. Check out these ballistic specs on the .32NAA, a .380ACP necked down to .32 (7.65mm). Yes, the ammo is as rare as hound's teeth, and only Cor-Bon sells it, but yes, it's a mouse gun, not a battle rifle, so it's main advantage is to be surprise (that I pulled it out of my ass or wherever else I had it secreted) and IT STINGS! At 1200fps + and 200 ft/lbs energy, this ain't your mama's double-derringer in .41RF! 7 rounds as fast as I can cycle the trigger in DAO. Should make a mess out of the unfortunate goblin, and give him pause to reflect whilst I stuff in another six to finish his wretched ass off (he was still moving, Detective, and I KNEW he was going for his weapon).

Now, I'm wondering about the .32NAA. If I have a barrel built for my .380 Walther PP to shoot this little devil, I will have a 4" barrel to accelerate the little 60gr happy pills, and they will leave said barrel at ABOVE 1400ft/sec! The barrel will cost more than the PP is worth, but just think of the end result! Might be able to load something heavier than the 60gr JHP, maybe a 72gr JHP that would trot outa there at 1200fps, giving a muzzle energy in range of 9mm +P hot stuff! If I can find a BJHP, that round has the potential to be as damaging, IN A POCKET PISTOL, as any .40S&W. One might also carry a hot FMJ load that could give penetration THROUGH A CAR BODY!

The possibilities look endless. This is one where I have to save every spent hull, though, since I don't know when ammo production might cease. The wonders of wildcats.

On to the POTW (Peeve Of The Week).

The envelopes, please.

The first candidate is MY LAWN! The frogs are croaking, the temp is up to 60+ (heat wave), and the grass is growing even after dark (I can hear it scream from growing pains!). That means I will inaugurate the 20th SEASON on my Honda HR-214 lawnmower! It was 4 seasons old when I bought it, so it has been faithfully cutting my large lawns (the old house was 3500sq/ft of lawn and current house has 6,000sq/ft of grass) for DAMN NEAR A QUARTER-CENTURY ON IT'S ORIGINAL ENGINE! Had it in the shop for a new drive clutch once, new control cables once, and I PM the hell out of it several times a year. The OHV engine is tired of it's valve guides, and so I lay down a HUGE smokescreen when I crank her up (just to piss of the enviro neighbors), but she settles down after the cloud drifts off, and lays into the tough bluegrass with a will. I keep her loins lubed only with the best 30W HD oil I can buy, usually Delo, and she cuts 6,000sq/ft of lawn on less than a pint of fuel. Anyone else got such a machine in their shed?

The next envelope brings my doctor's office staff to the POTW competition dais. The staff has processed three R/Xs since I got back from my sun chasing, and they have gotten every one wrong! Two were never sent, dispite assurances that they were, and the third just went to the wrong pharmacy. That's a strikeout any any ballgame.

The last envelope bears the name of "W.H. Tyrone Terrill". Google his sorry ass. Yes, he is, in fact, the "Human Rights Director" of the City of St. Paul, MN. Tyrone's claim to fame is that he just banned the Easter Bunny from City properties. The Easter Bunny, a complete fabrication of commercial enterprises, not religious scholars, is supposed to offend "non-christians" in the St. Paul community (read, Muslims). If you want more dirt on Tyrone, who is a genuine Race Pimp on the City payroll in St. Paul (don't take it from me, read his resume, which I posted on Rivrdog Blog here).

Quiet! Da Judge is Judging!

The winner of this week's Peeve of the Week is:

W.H. Tyrone Terrill! For conduct above and beyond even the most outrageous of Race Pimps, full in the style of Jesse Jackson, we find that Tyrone, slayer of the Easter Bunny, and Chief Desecrator of Cellophane Easter Grass, is our finalist for Peeve of the Week! Please accept this Internet Posting as official Notice, Tyrone. A full Certificate, suitable for framing, will be sent out shortly. It will include a suggested paragraph on how you might modify your resume to highlight this sterling accomplishment. Best of luck to you!

Enough Pomp and Circumstances! Wife! My glass is dry! (Wife fails to respond, earns another demerit, she couldn't march them all off if she was the entire 10th Mountain). Take five whilst I refill my own glass....

Time for some curmudgeonly goodness from around the blogosphere.

We start with my partner in shooting and blogging to the North, up Puget Sound way, the doughty Analog Kid. He demonstrates his curmudgeonliness this week by posting some tunage. Not just any tunage, but perhaps the most misanthropic tunage I've ever read the lyrics for. This tunage might have been written by Jesperson, the "Happy Face Killer", or his Professor in crime, the Green River Killer, both of whom picked on ladies of the half-world. Picked on them as in killed them. In their dozens. The Green River Killer 'fessed to almost 50, and Happy Face is still fessing, may be over 10 by now. They make Son of Sam look like a choirboy.

Denny, the Grouchy Old Cripple (in Atlanta), has a fine post up about Jane (Traitor) Fonda. It seems the Georgia Legislature was heaping accolades on State heros and heroines, as they do once every legislative session. Some lefty fuckwit nominated Hanoi Jane. She went down in flames, just like many of my fellow warriors did over Hanoi, where she entertained the Commie ack-ack gunners during the end of the VietNam War. It's a great post, go here to read it, and don't be surprised if you linger for some of Denny's other great stuff. he IS Mr. Georgia Curmudgeon, but he gets competition from Acidman.

Acidman, of course, has had some fierce trials lately. Trials of Life itself. He had a major perforated ulcer, which all of the goody-twoshoes in his comment threads refer to as a result of alcoholism, but I'm not so sure. I've got a hole or two in my gut, a little lower down, and I don't drink enough to make said holes. He loves to go to Costa Rica, and lives off the local economy when there. I go to Mexico and do the same thing. We both came up with bleeding holes in the gut at the same point in our travels, just after returning. Mine closed up, after I took beaucoup antibiotics. Acidman's didn't, and he had to have surgery to resection his gut.

So, to honor my Acidman, my Blog-Granpa, I've gone back into his archives for this. But really, his whole blog is like this. He is a Curmudgeon, that's why.

GuyS, better know as the Sailor of Snugg Harbor, and as fine a writer as ever came from 'tween decks, writes a letter to the "Mythical" Moderate Muslim. then he follows it with a second Letter. Guy, you've nailed it. You should have stayed in, and became a Mustang Admiral. The Navy could have used you. I can see you now, ginning up Iraq's navy to their version of the BrownWater Fleet. The Somalian pirate fleet would be on the bottom by now....
GuyS IS a Man of Letters, what can I say?

The Retired Geezer is a South Idaho curmudgeon. As differentiated from Panhandle Curmudgeons, who tend to be a little less sociable, you know, the shoot first and ask questions later types? Retired Geezer notes that the combined arms op that released the "Peace Workers" who had been captured (the terrorists killed the lone American in the group) had been denigrated by some filk that said that the forces had "released" the trio. That's RELEASED as in WHEN THESE TROOPS ARRIVED, THE TERRORISTS "RELEASED" THE COMPOUND THAT THEY WERE HOLDING AND GOT OUTA DODGE. Retired Geezer takes exception to the pacifist wording of the communique. Right ON, Mr. Geezer!

OK, enough posts. The mind cannot comprehend what the ass cannot bear.

I'll end with this delightful Catholic joke:

It was time for Father John's Saturday evening bath
and young sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the
bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at
Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever
he told her to, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene
how the Saturday night bath had gone. "Oh, sister,"
said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."

"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked
the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked
me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided
my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord
keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now," said the old nun, evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that
if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven
would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation
and eternal peace and then Father John guided his Key
of Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact," said the old nun more evenly.

"That wicked old Devil," said the old nun. "He told
me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for
40 years!"

If I thought all Catholics had this sense of humor, I could sign onto their program, but then I would Burn In Hell, because I told the Ex-Wife (a Catholic) I never would join the mackerel-snapper brigade.

See you next week!

Carnival of the Curmudgeons - Mark Ten

All I can do is hope that Blogger holds up while I scribble this post...the service has been up and down all day, and seems to be running on one cylinder right now.

I'm starting a new part of the Carnival today...Peeve Of The Week (POTW), which is a close relative of PITA, of course.

This week's candidates are: Financial houses or merchants who abuse the Federal Fair Credit Collection Practices Act and get away with it; the doofus MSM (fill in the reason here_________); The Government of Mexico, which allows people to drive who don't have a clue about what that entails (then said Mexicans come up here and create FUBAR hell on OUR roads).

First, the banks. 15USC1692 is the set of laws that regulates how, when and why money may be collected from people. We're talking money for business that has already been transacted. By Collections, the Act is referring to late payments. So, naturally, definitions of what is late, later, and too late matter. Late is when you should have paid, but are less than 30 days late paying. "Past Due" is more than 30 days late, out to 60 days, where you may be reported to a credit reporting agency for being late (which then puts a black mark against your credit record). These are the legal definitions. Have you noticed lately that more and more businesses have started fudging the definition, calling you "past due" when you are less than a month late? My boat payment is due on the 1st of the month. I was just getting back from my road trip, and I was sick as a dog. I failed to make the transfer, although I have almost $8,000 in the account, so it wasn't that I was broke or anything, I just forgot. My health was more important to me than sitting down and running though my checklist of bills.

I get a "past due" notice that is sent out by the credit union on the 10th of the month. I sit right down to the computer and transfer the bucks to the loan account. So sorry, won't do it again. Then I got to thinking. These idiots actually sent me a dunning notice for a payment that was only 10 days late. That costs them (and me, since it's investor-owned), money. I fired off a Curmudgeon Gram at them. Haven't heard back yet, but they probably sent it to their lawyer, since I cited the section and sub-section of the Act that they violated.

Candidate: The doofus MSM. I'll make this brief, and YOU may pick the offense you want a reporter strung up from your local lamp-post for.

• The "Iraq Civil War": according to the MSM, all our efforts in Iraq are wasted because a few bodies have been found indicating the existence of criminal gangs. Duh!

• The "Saddam Tapes": every time more of these tapes are transcribed, it offers more evidence that Saddam DID have a WMD program, and was actively hiding it from inspectors. You won't hear this important news on the MSM, though.
• FEMA mis-management. "Big Scoop": millions wasted by Federal Contractors. Gasp! Uh, boys, isn't the bill for Katrina $125 BILLION and rising? So we are talking about 3/125,000 as a fraction of mis-managed money? Put into simple decimals, that's .0024 of ONE PERCENT! Standby to ho-hum. Must be a slow news week.
• MSNBC (MicroSoftkNowsBullCrap) trots out General Wesley Clark to comment on the Iraq Civil War. Lessee, Gen. Clark KNOWS civil wars, since, with all of NATO at his command, he failed to end one in Serbia and Kosovo. The same General Clark, who, when running as a candidate for POTUS, couldn't outpoll the Screamer, dispite the heavy backing of the Clintons, who wanted him as a seat-warmer for Hellary.
• 
  
• The Government of Mexico. Which will let any doofus get a driver's licence, and along with them, the State of Oregon, which will give any Mexican doofus a driver's license (which is why the Feds had to pass the Real ID Act, but don't get me started on THAT). If I go to Mexico, I can drive on my US driver's license if I show proof of a fully-paid Mexican insurance policy (a MX company has to issue it). If I don't get such a policy, and get in a wreck, I will be held in jail until I post a CASH BOND equal to all the potential damages. Many Mexicans can drive adequately, but a significant fraction of them can't. A much higher fraction of them than of any class of US citizen you could name. Mexicans also disdain getting insurance policies. Might have something to do with their illegal status in this country, as well as the fact that WE DON'T DO A BLOODY THING TO THEM WHEN WE CATCH THEM WITH NO LICENSE OR INSURANCE! All the cops can do is tow their car and give them a ticket which they don't show up for, and even that may soon be a thing of the past as a recent court decision seems to limit towing to when the "community safety" is of IMMEDIATE concern. The solution is the immediate issuance to officers of a penetrating round for their shotguns. Upon finding an unlicensed, uninsured driver, the cop would be authorized to fire a penetrating round through the motor block, rendering the motor inoperative WITH GREAT PREJUDICE! A consortium of civic-minded tow operators would then donate their services to tow and scrap these hulks. A benefit to all of us would be the removal of the lower end of junkers from the roads, making them safer to drive, and making all of our rides worth just a little bit more in resale value.
  

OK you make the pick for POTW.

On to this week's Guest Curmudgeons. Morning Glory (a curmudgeonette from somewhere down South) annoints Sanity's Bluff, a new blog for me. The Web Loafer there is very curmudgeonly.

Dissecting Leftism is a very high-order blog (the kind that goes BOOOOM! when it goes off, not just Bang! like most blogs). The language is very precise, and John Ray is an authentic genius AND curmudgeon. Anything there is worth reading, but you have to have a gift for staying with his incisive comments that MAKE YOU THINK!

Curmudgeons DO have to worry about how they dress. GuyK at Charming, Just Charming, has this best-dressed advice.

GuyK also rips the PaleoBoomers a new one with his pity-party for the sob sisters at the World Bank (remember them? That's where we recycled Robert McNamara before he became an out-and-out traitor). It's a good read, tells it like it is.

Mr. Completely, a sharpshooting curmudgeon from the Islands in WA, sends me to a blog in the Islands in FL, the 10,000 Islands to be exact, where we find the From the Swamp blog, very curmudgeonly. Mr. C seems to be toning down his curmudgeon-posts in favor of more posts on guns, not a bad thing. He must feel the pressure to up his gunblogging contributions, since he was recently crowned King Gunblogger or somesuch in a poll that he taught us how to rig. He was a King Curmudgeon also, and I miss his rants.

My final link of the day goes to Sailor GuyS at Snugg Harbor, which I've read as long as I've blogged. Guy has been up and down with his blog for personal reasons, but he is on an up-cycle now, so go there and enjoy his work while you can. As a bonus, he publishes Muir's Day by Day conservative 'toon-strip there also.

Enough of this curmudgeonly bile. Got to go wash my mouth out with Scotch ;)

Carnival of the Curmudgeons - Mark Nine

Two bells of the afternoon watch...seems like the sun's well past the yardarm. I've been below decks for a turn of the glass and still haven't thawed out from 3 hours outside in the sloppy wet snow that we're having. Very uncharacteristic. A year ago it was 70 degrees on this date.

This nip of scotch should warm me up enough to feel like a curmudgeon again.

• Redundancy Alert!!! Department of stupid liberal ideas department. California just passed a law that requires there to be translators in any of 8 foreign languages that might be spoken in an emergency room. Those 8 tongues are the ones spoken by the immigrant classes (Spanish, Hmong, Vietnamese, Tagalog, etc). OK, those foreign-tongue speakers are probably not going to pay for their services, but we have to speak to them in their own tongue so as to get the word from them that they don't have any insurance (nor probably any entry papers, but hospitals are forbidden to ask that). It seems to me that if I read my history book, California was host to many foreign speakers and workers years ago. In fact, they built California. When they came here, they had to learn English then.
• So, it seems that the FIRST order of business in straightening out our immigration mess would be a requirement to do ANY business relating to any of these workers getting legal entry papers in ENGLISH! Yep, no translators allowed, no bilingual paperwork. You fill out the paperwork correctly in ENGLISH, and you have your interview conducted in ENGLISH, during which you give answers to any questions in ENGLISH. Failure to do so is prima facie evidence that you do not intend to properly integrate into the ENGLISH-SPEAKING society here, and therefore are a poor risk for a residence visa.
• Perhaps there will be a requirement for a Constitutional Amendment to encode the above, and also the basic fact that this is an ENGLISH-SPEAKING nation, the sole official language of which is ENGLISH.
• I travel quite a bit in Mexico. When I go there, I am prepared to speak Spanish to get my needs taken care of. If the tourist facilities I pay for require their employees to speak english, that's a bonus, but one I've paid for, quite dearly, actually. It costs much more to patronize such facilities, and I pay the cost, because I can.
• I can also speak French, in fact I speak it better than Spanish. About 38 years ago, I was stationed by the USAF in MA, at Westover AFB. When I wanted to get all citified for a change, I didn't go down to New Yawk, or even to Bahstahn, I went to Montreal, which was a little farther, but the food was 10 times better and the hotels cheaper. In Montreal, you had to speak French to get by. Those were the days of the separatists, and the Partie Quebecois ran the place, and refused to make anyone speak English. They eventually dragooned the rest of Canada into becoming bi-lingual, but that was the price that had to be paid to keep France from accepting the French part of Canada as it separated. I doubt if the Canadians had the stomach for a Civil War to preserve their Union, like we fought.

That's about it for the theme of the week. SPEAK ENGLISH, DAMNIT!

I haven't been reading as many rants as usual, so this week's guest ranters will be a thin line. I'm making the last preparations for putting on a Bowling Pin pistol shoot at my gun club, and there aren't enuff hours in the day, lemme tell 'ya.

For me, WizBang says it all in the New York murder case. You have the right to be stupid, but if you do, your rights aren't going to save you. Thanx for the link, Bitter.

Grouchy Old Criple in Atlanta has a fine rant this week on the Oscars. You've already read and/or written one or two if you're a curmudgeon, but this one is tops.

PawPaw, a fine writer/curmudgeon from Louisiana, has a beautiful rant about Mayor Nagin laying the groundwork for massive voter fraud in Texas, by trying to convince Katrina refugees who legally are now Texas residents, that they can vote for him in the coming NOLA mayor's race. Lacking some sort of declaratory judgment on the status of these former residents of NOLA, there WILL be tens of thousands of challengeable votes in that election. Were I an opponent of Nagin's, I would plan to challenge every vote in the damaged wards by requiring proof of current residency in the Big Easy.

Mr. Completely, the Compleat Gun Blogger and Master Gizmo Gunnie or some such, has a fine rant on a more everyday topic, the abuse of the term FREE.

Always in the mood for public service, GuyK at Charming, Just Charming, has this warning about a scam that is being run at a local warehouse retailer near you....(NSFW).

In a useful post on an arcane subject, washing a car in VERY HARD WATER, the Anarchangel has done us all a favor. Since becoming unemployed, his writin' and rantin' has kicked up a quantum leap. While obscure, this article is extremely useful, since most folk do not have access to the mountain-soft water I have here.

Finally, Aaron at Dad's Garage rips the educational establishment a new one over the Bennish Affair. His alternative, home schooling, is probably the only thing left to keep our kids from becoming the zombie army that will finally do the socalists' bidding and chuck out our Constitution.

I'm finally warmed up (took two nips of the Water of Life), and I smell a done chicken in the galley. The Mrs is off at the gym, so I'm off to eat.

Remember the Curmudgeon's credo: A growl can be worth as much as a smile. Know when do do either.

Carnival of the Curmudgeons - Mark 8

Screw it. I give up trying to get the Carnival out on Weds. From now on, it will come out on Thursdays. Unless I'm doing something that makes it worthwhile to postpone it to Fridays.

• Keeping up with the bird flu news? You should be. I've already spoken to the store manager at my local supermarket, and he says that if it gets here (and it's only a matter of time), chicken will hit $5/lb. That's disturbing enough, but if the rumor I heard last night (from some TV newshead via the gudwife) is true, they'll be weeping in southeast Asia too, as the H5N1 flu is reported to have crossed over into housecats. You didn't know they ate them over there? Did you spend ALL your down-time in the House of Boom-Boom and none actually studying the culture, Trooper? If you ate the usual unidentified BBQ meat on a stick, bro, you've probably eaten dog or cat.
• The POTUS is backing slowly away from the UAE ports deal. First, he said he would veto any attempt to scuttle it, then he said he would be okay with a 45-day review, now he says he is okay with a full Congressional review. The deal is toast, as it should be. Look, I'm as conservative as the next curmudgeon, and you'll find me ranting at big government excess almost every day, but THIS IS A JOB OUR GOVERNMENT IS SUPPOSED TO DO, DAMN IT! The news of the Coast Guard Admiral expressing his opposition leaked out, and now we know the truth: there is now way this deal enhances security, and lots of ways it can degrade it. This brings up a point our "investigative reporters" have missed: just how many other deals are out there where we've sold our management responsibilities to the highest bidder?
• How much of YOUR precious time does Bill Gates and his crappy operating system eat up on a daily basis? After doing dilligent research, I concluded that the Norton Antivirus pay-to-stay-safe program I've used for 5 years was an unnecessary expense, as GriSoft's free AVG is just as good. I download AVG and set about deleting Norton from my computer. THREE HOURS LATER, I'm still on the hunt for the remnants of NAV, which Windows XP has hidden in far corners of my registry. Even CrapCleaner and Registry Mechanic haven't gotten them all out. Yes, Norton wrote this software, but they wrote it to work on the convoluted XP OS, which is why there are pieces of it scattered thither and yon in the hard drive.
• Speaking of computers (spit!), I haven't decided whether they are good for curmudgeons or not. They are supposed to make my life easier, but I spend more time keeping mine free of the wrong kinds of bits and bytes than I would keeping a Jaguar or MG running, and I can tell you that they require at least three hours of maintenance for every ten hours of driving, just so you can experience that English form of perversion. On the other hand, it is a constant mental exercise to keep them going and doing my bidding, so maybe I'm putting off the onset of senility that way. Maybe I'm senile for even trying. God only knows.
• A decent storm blew through last night at oh-dark-thirty, and the 40-mph or so wind gusts woke me up. Then I heard the sound of an empty garbage cart being pounded into plastic bits in the street, so I had to fully wake up to engage the brain before I found that exact memory that assured me it wasn't mine, I had put it in the garage. I used to be able to handle this minor shit half-asleep.
• Curmudgeon joke of the week, courtesy of the EllTee:

Every day, for a week, a female co-worker goes to the break-room to get coffee and every day, a male co-worker is there, stands next to her and remarks that her hair smells real nice. After a week of this, the gal gets peeved, and goes to a supervisor in Human Relations and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harrassment complaint against the male co-worker. The supervisor asks why. She tells him that she is annoyed by the unsolicited compliment. The supervisor says, "That's not much of a sexual harassment, is it?" The gal replies, "It is, considering it's coming from Frank, that midget you hired."

Well, I thought it was funny. You may have a different set of values.

On to the Curmudgeon links of the week.

From the Analog Kid comes this little bit of cheer from Mr. Justice Scalia of the SCOTUS. BTW, the AK is moving his household this week, and will be on hiatus, but has an able crew backing him up at Random Nuclear Strikes.

Kim DuToit, writing in the Other Side of Kim, prepares us for the hype and blather of the Academy Awards with this little set of observations. He's citing the blog of an English friend of his. Brit curmudgeons are a bit too intense for my taste, because their vocabulary hurts my sinuses, but this linked curmudgeon has hit the nail on the head when it comes to the vapid minds of Hollywood.

If you've been divorced, and paid child support, you may be forgiven for laughing at these, brought to you by GuyK at Charming, Just Charming. If you can't bring yourself to laugh, go to the range and practice. There will come a time when all your skills will be valuable.

PawPaw has the cure for Osama, as he watches the trial of Saddam turn into the circus we always knew it would be.

Not Fit for Humans has an interesting view when the traditional views of the Old Testament are explained by oh-so-sensitive teachers of the New School. Hint, it's a new take on Solomonic Justice.

In a Major Opus, Chris Byrne at AnarchAngel gets serious about arming up for home defense. This is a very long blog post, but if you need any information on selection of weapons for your primary duty (defending your home and family, duh!), you will find it all here. The only thing I, as a fellow gunblogger, find any fault with is Chris' (and many other's) love for the AR-15. I personally think it is the worst mistake of a battle rifle ever foisted off on any army in modern times. Your mileage may vary.

That's about it for this week. Thanks for your support.